Have been wrestling with the blahs. Imagine this: I am one of the very few lucky people who supports myself on three days of work per week--and I am still figuring out (after almost a year) how to enjoy my days off. Such a problem. I know there are people in New Orleans that would happily exchange dilemmas with me right now; it's easy to shame myself out of wallowing.

Am trying to make an effort to reach out and create community in my neighborhood--get myself out of myself. Got flyers printed up for a neighborhood brunch on 9/17/05 to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina; gonna hand some out at the community meeting tonight. There's a publicity chair open for the Haller Lake community club--trying to decide if I want to volunteer. I'm always a little reticent to take on a responsibility like that--I feel like I've only ever fell down on the job. But the truth is that the last time I really volunteered and didn't follow through on similar commitments was when I was in college. It's hard to shake negative images of myself.

What makes a life succesful? I wanna believe it doesn't have to do with how much money one makes, or whether one's name is "known". But there's the part of me that craves fortune and fame--but has not the motivation to pursue it. So, I wrestle with the strange judgement that my life is passing me by. But why?

I should become Buddist. I just don't have the patience for meditation. Precisely!